Talking to someone about depression can be hard, no matter whether you’re someone who is open with your emotions or closed off. Although the taboo has lessened in recent years, some may be less willing to discuss how they’re feeling out of fear of rejection or embarrassment. Suffering from depression is nothing to be ashamed of, and talking about how you’re feeling can not only lessen the burden, but is an important part of overcoming your negative thoughts and emotions.
Speaking to your loved ones about depression and how you’re feeling can be the first step to making it out of the other side, and can even encourage you seek professional help to ensure you have tools in place should you have these thoughts and feelings in the future.
The Importance of Opening Up About Depression
Years ago, depression was an incredibly taboo subject that people rarely spoke about. Many people kept their feeling to themselves, which led to their depression worsening, and even suicide.
Nowadays, depression isn’t as misunderstood as it was, and there are plenty of resources out there to help you understand your mental health more and things you can do to improve your life. There are several reasons why opening up about depression is important, including:
- Reducing stigma: Open discussions about depression can help dismantle the stigma and misconceptions surrounding mental health issues, making it easier for individuals to seek help without fear of judgment.
- Encouraging Treatment: Conversations about depression can encourage those affected to seek professional help and treatment, which can significantly improve their quality of life
- Raise Awareness: Increased awareness about the symptoms, causes, and effects of depression can help people recognise the signs in themselves and others, leading to earlier intervention and support.
- Providing Support: Talking about depression can create a supportive environment where individuals feel understood and less isolated, fostering a sense of community and shared experience.
- Preventing a Crisis: Open dialogue about depression can help identify those at risk of severe outcomes, such as self-harm or suicide, enabling timely intervention and potentially saving lives.
Choosing the Right Person to Talk To
There is no right or wrong answer about who you should talk to regarding your mental health. Some people find it easier talking to a family member or friend, whereas others prefer taking to a neutral party, like a work colleague or even a stranger. No matter who you choose to reach out to, no one will turn you away, and you may be surprised about how many people want to listen.
Family can be a great place to start when trying to talk to someone about depression. Your parents, siblings, grandparents or cousins want what is best for you, so speaking to them about how you’re feeling could share the burden and lighten the load. If you have a particular family member that you feel more comfortable with, start with them. If you have a partner, you could try sitting them down one day and having a heart to heart about how you’re feeling. You could even speak to a close friend who you trust.
You should also try and pick a setting where you feel most comfortable to have these conversations. Some prefer the comfort of a familiar place, such as their home. Others feel more relaxed in a coffee shop.
You might even find that you don’t want to speak with someone you know, and would prefer the objective ear of a stranger instead, such as a therapist. It is often easier to speak to people we don’t know, as they are approaching the situation from a completely unbiased standpoint.
Expressing Your Feelings: Finding the Right Words
Getting started with a conversation about depression can be tricky. Try and focus on the problem at hand, and maybe start with exactly how you’re feeling. Some starting points include:
- “You may have noticed lately, but I’ve been feeling a little depressed.”
- “I haven’t been feeling myself lately, and I’d like some support.”
- “I’ve been feeling a bit down recently, and I’m not sure what to do.”
- “ I think I have depression. Can I talk to you about it?”
Getting straight to the point is almost like ripping off a plaster; immediately, your loved one knows what the problem is, and if they love and support you, they will begin to listen.
Try and make sure your loved one doesn’t interrupt you whilst you’re talking so that you aren’t sidetracked and get everything you need out in the open.
Before your talk, it might be helpful to write down what you want to say and bring it with you. You may feel quite tearful during your talk, but you may also feel like a weight has been lifted once you tell someone.
Handling Reactions: Supportive vs Unsupportive
Although most people should be sympathetic and supportive, you may find that others aren’t so understanding. This is due to a number of factors, such as existing stigma, a lack of understanding, or they may take your feelings personally. Negative reactions may look and sound like:
- Head shaking and sighing
- Phrases such as “it’s all in your head,” “stop being so sensitive, “people have it worse than you.”
- Taking what you’re saying as a personal attack by saying “is it something that I did?” Parents in particular have a tendency to blame themselves, and say things like “it’s all my fault.”
- Walking away from the conversation
It can be incredibly disheartening to experience these reactions, but don’t let it dissuade you. Not everyone will react negatively, so you must simply accept their reaction and find someone else who may be able to assist.
Consider seeking a therapist if you feel that no one around you will understand, although you may find this isn’t the case. It is also important to not let them convince you that what you’re going through isn’t “that bad.” Everyone handles mental health issues differently, but speaking about them is the bravest action you can take.
Those who are supportive may wish to hug you, express their pride in your ability to talk about things, and may even get emotional. It is important to make sure their emotions don’t get in the way of the talk you have planned with them, and accept their support graciously. Some may want to give you the answers, but oftentimes, all you need is to know that they’re there, and they support you.
Setting Boundaries and Managing Expectations
Planning the depression talk you are going to have with a loved one can help you set boundaries and manage your personal expectations. As mentioned, try not to let your loved one get carried away and always try to lead the conversation. If you want some advice, support, or you simply just want them to listen, let them know, so you can manage their responses in time.
If you find your loved one trying to give you answers that aren’t helpful, politely let them know that you simply need some loving support.
Some people may try and direct you in the way of medication and therapy, but only you can make that decision. You should conduct your own research on the benefits of medication and therapy, and decide for yourself.
When talking about depression, you may find that loved ones bring up their own experiences. It can be reassuring to know you’re not alone, but it can also make you feel like your problems aren’t important, which isn’t the case. Your experience is your experience, and no one can belittle that.
Follow-Up: Continuing the Conversation
Once you’ve taken that first step to talking about depression, it is important to keep up conversations to ensure you refrain from bottling things up. In order to manage your depression, consider meeting up with loved ones and friends once a week to partake in a fun activity, or simply sit and have a brew.
Keeping in touch with loved ones can make you aware of those around you who want to help, ensuring you are never truly alone, as much as it may feel like it.
If you feel like having a conversation about your depression again, ask someone to meet you for support. It may feel overwhelming at first, and you may feel like a “burden,” but anyone who openly discusses their feelings in order to free themselves of the heavy weight is a burden to no one.
If you still feel like you could benefit from further talking sessions from a therapist, consider seeking professional help to assist you in working through the root of your depression, and developing new ways to reframe negative thoughts.
Summary and Key Takeaways
Talking about depression can be tough, and can provide a lot of anxiety, especially if we don’t know the other person’s reaction. Whether it is positive or negative, talking about depression is the first step to conquering it once and for all. Once we open the wound, we allow it to heal, and develop new ways of preventing it from opening again.
Turning to loved ones for support is never shameful, and those who truly love you will want to help. If you would prefer to seek help from a professional, therapists are trained, objective presences that can help you adapt your way of thinking and ease the burden of depression, session after session.